It's the weekend, which mean it's time for a semi-regular feature (in other words, whenever I can be arsed to remember).
Fuck it all Friday.
In which I, your kind host, sink some cans and write about what I hate.
Hey, maybe you'll hate it too.
Then we'll have something to talk about.
Won't that be nice?
Snow
You cold, white, powdery, smug cunt.
I'm not ten, it's not Christmas and I live on a hill.
Just fuck off to France already.
Plus, with just one mention the world goes into a meltdown of panic buying milk and acting like we live in Greenland.
And I don't get my good stuff in the mail because of it.
Watching a film late at night when it suddenly goes LOUD.
For no reason at all.
How many times have you turned up a movie late at night, just for the MUSIC TO SUDDENLY VOLUMISE?
So you scramble desperately for the remote, which crashes to the floor, making even more noise.
But, you finally get that noisy bastard to an indoor voice volume, just in time for a talky bit which you can't hear.
And then, just as get it to the right volume to hear..aghh! fucking music again.
Fuck you Hollywood.
For every possible reason you can think of and then some.
Bonus feature..
You've no doubt heard the latest exciting geek news to hit the sci-fi movie world.
That's right fuckers, WWE films are making a Leprechaun prequel.
Starring Hornswaggle.
I think the world really did end in December and we were all to busy arguing about stupid stuff on Internet message boards to notice.
I mean the fucking Leprechaun?
Does Vince McMahon's colostomy bag need changing again?
I fully expect him to buy a big castle with a spooky basement with which to try and resurrect Andre the Giant, Frankenstein style, next.
Either that or set up a new "extreme" American Foosball League*.
Oh yeah, and some dude who makes incomprehensible Sci-fi shows has agreed to direct that Star Wars thing.
With added Jar Jar.
And there's no way I can sign off without posting this.
You can insert your own Pot o' Gold/Luck of the Irish joke though.
I've been JSayonara..and you probably owe me a beer.
* I'm British, your sport of makes no sense to me.
And it's not "Soccer", it's football.
So called because you're not allowed to use your hands.
Duh.
Hearing you with the snow after today. I've done my time sledging with the boy and now my feet are stone cold and not warming up.
ReplyDeleteSnow in metropolitan areas looks like it could really suck. But then I wouldn't know since our snow sticks to the mountains where it belongs. I see your point though. Don't you get relief from the cold with a nice warm beer? Hah hah, see what I did there? A British Isles joke in the context of the discussion topic!!
ReplyDeleteFish, if you knew me you'd know I'm a Vodka man anyway.
DeleteAnd hey, you may get all the nice weather, but at least we don't get enormous spiders dropping on our heads.
And y'know, we don't suck at Rugby either.
Wow. I thought the Leprechaun franchise couldn't get any worse, and now WWE has the rights to it? Ooooohhhh boy, I wouldn't watch it if you paid me. Now, I'd love for them to do another See No Evil flick with Kane. That was a fun horror flick.
ReplyDeleteI will watch it purely for car wreck status.
DeleteAnd frankly, it'll at least be better than any Cena match from the last gawd knows how many years. :)