DC or not to be?

In a blatant attempt to gain hits from the geek population, here's some ridiculous thoughts about various DC characters, that I swear I didn't just think of right now, whilst watching an Adam Sandler movie for some strange reason.

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If Batman's so friggin' amazing that when he went back in time during Final Crisis and left elaborate clues as to how to enable his return, why didn't he just send his parents a time released letter, telling them not to go to the Theatre the night they were shot?

What, you couldn't think of an elaborate and complicated Bat related scheme that involved putting a stamp on an envelope?

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Doc Magnus of Metal Men fame is widely recognised to be slightly embarrassed by his robot Platinum's affection for him.
Everyone around him, from other heroes, to the rest of the Metal Men accept this with a smile and a quip and no one ever points out one simple fact.

Doc Magnus programmed these robots, none of the others have ever shown love for any other being, animate or not, (Shut up Nameless fans, Tin is a pussy) and even when Doc rebuilds them after every inevitable "accident", he never corrects that flaw.

Colossal pervert.
And these comics were for kids?

A star is not all you're getting tonight.

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Comics are getting more and more realistic and adult orientated right?
So what happens when Poison Ivy needs to visit a gynecologist?

Think about it, she's pure poison, so is there some specialist out there in the DCU who deals with super parts?

Come to think about it... 
Who's the Shark's dentist?  
Who is Man-Bat's vet?  
Where does Hal Jordan go to get little Hal checked out when he's "pulled a Kirk", does OA have a clinic?

Hey, fuck you okay, Kevin Smith made money writing this stuff.

And seeing as I doubt I can lower the bar much further..I'll leave it at that.

Wait, did I say I couldn't go any lower?

I'm JSayonara..and I'm way too old to be thinking about this stuff.
Not that that's gonna stop me.

Word to your mother...Part One

Because I'm just too damn lazy to write about anything substantial right now.

A list.

But not just any old list..

A list dedicated to the best bits of the greatest decade ever.



The Great:

10: 

 

Ghostbusters 2

What's that you say?
It wasn't as good as the original, it recycled the ending and you were disappointed?

I hate you.
 
Even not as good as Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters is better than everything else.
 
And that's a fact.
 
You can look it up right here.

JSayisalwaysrightespeciallyaboutghostbusters.co.uk



9:

 The Super Nintendo Entertainment System

I loved my Megadrive (Genesis to you over the Pond types), but this..this was a love I would not feel again until I discovered Jack Daniels.

The day I opened that shiny box and withdrew a mint copy of Super Mario World..

Of course, being twelve when it came out, I owned maybe seven games during the entire life of the system.
But what games.

Shame Nintendo now suck..damn you Wii..damn you.

Speaking of being twelve..


8:

 Nuff said?



7:

Green Lantern

This is why I included a comments section.
Go on, you know you want to.

Fuckers..

6:

 Bottom

If I were slightly older, this would've been the Young Ones.
But I'm not, so it isn't.

This was just as good though.
Fart jokes and mindless violence always went down well when we were supposed to be doing maths.

Not that I ever went to Maths, I was always busy mitching and talking about Bottom.



5:

  Doom

Talking of fucking about in school.

The best thing about computer science lessons?
 

Sneaking in a disc of Doom, installing it on all the computers, password protecting the file and then spending all afternoon shooting Hell demons instead of learning to use MS Word.

Bonus points if you played it in Windowed mode so you could minimize it whenever that old fart of a teacher bothered to stop reading his paper to see what we were doing.

4:

 

Neverwhere

The X-Files was great and all, but there was, for a brief and shining month, something better.
The BBC actually managed to create their own dark fantasy series which ran right before said show.

No-one watched it because it looked cheap (which was part of it's charm) and because everyone was waiting for Mulder & Scully to kiss.

Their loss.

Being by now, a massive Sandman fan, the fact that Auntie Beeb had commissioned a series by Neil frickin' Gaiman, set in a dark London underworld blew my mind.

Sure, it hasn't held up well, but fuck, did I love the hell out of this show (and indeed the subsequent novelisation).

Now about that sequel Neil...

 

Bonus feature:

 

 

Because, if you were there, you'll understand.

 

 

3:

Loaded Magazine

Long before the deluge of shitty "lad's mags" that contain not much more than pictures of a bunch of tarts from Essex with bad boob jobs and "humorous" television reviews, we had Loaded.

The British answer to Playboy, this was the magazine for learning about the finer things in life.
Candid interviews with proper celebrities, photoshoots that were actually sexy and a window into a world that was just coming into view, this magazine introduced me to people like Gary Oldman, Bill Hicks, Peter Cooke, Denis Leary, Hunter S. Thompson and many other long time influences.

Just as Girl Power was taking over the country, this magazine held the vanguard for the Lad.

 

 

 2: 

 

 

Beavis & Butthead

 

What to say about B&B?

Before South Park, before Family Guy, before King of the Hill..

There were these two.
If you were in your late teens, liked rock music, girls and fireworks.
You probably had more in common with these guys than you wanted to admit.

FIRE!!!

Ahem..sorry.

 

 

1:

 

 

 Earth Vs the Wildhearts

 

If you know me, you know why.

Still my favourite album and probably always will be. 

 

 

Honourable mentions:

 

 

 Spaced

 

 

Headbanger's Ball

 

Gamesmaster

Return again soon when I'll probably get around to talking about the ten worst things about this decade.

*cough Rob Liefeld cough*

I've been JSayonara..and this wasn't supposed to take two hours to write and lay out.

Feel free to leave a comment, so I can insult you.